Vous Ne Me...

I sit in my room. A little tipsy from a night of light drinking. And I read.

I honestly don't know where I'm going at the moment. And I know, this isn't the first time I've felt like this in my life, but this time, it really is different. Basically ever facet of my life is at a crossroad, and I'm so obviously trying to ignore the green lights through distraction. I know what I want in life and how I need to go about it, but I just don't feel like I have the strength. I'm young and still naive. I want that strength that so many around me have.

I'm alone because I choose to be. I isolate myself at times when life becomes all too unbearable, and all too confronting. And I know it's wrong, but that's the way I've learnt to deal. I'd lock myself in my bedroom for days on end when I was a teenager, living life on my own, surrounding myself with all the comforts at my fingertips. Not wanting to deal with anyone else's problems, emotions, stuff. And now, I'm shutting out one of my best friends, my family, my support. Yet again, this pattern is re-surging. For some reason, I let everything swallow me up in the hope that when I'm spit out of the machine of life, I'm different. Better. Stronger.

Growth is weird. And I hate, hate, hate, letting others feel like they're left out in the cold whilst I'm in a period of growth. It's not intentional, but it is. It's not a permanent thing, it's just me going through one of my stages. I don't like verbalising things. I'd rather write and let it go. It comes out so much clearer, without emotive miscommunication. What I write, it's here; on the used envelope, in my diary, on the back of my receipt, on my blog. From my heart. I just wish...

I just need me right now.

You never hurt me.


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